If a role model relationship is to help you think and act more intelligently, you’ll have to choose the right person to emulate—and as is so often the case, science has some surprising and counter-intuitive insights to contribute here. The right role model may not be the brightest light in your field, but rather someone more humanly flawed.
In an article published in the Proceedings of the National Academies of Science, for example, Jerker Denrell of the University of Oxford and Chengwei Liu of the University of Warwick counsel us to model ourselves on solid, second-tier performers, not the flashy types who come in first. The researchers reported on the results of a game played in many rounds. Over time, the most skilled players came to inhabit a second tier of reliable competence. Those who succeeded spectacularly—who took their places in the first tier—were often not the most skilled, but rather were those who got some lucky breaks early on or took big risks that happened to pay off.
Emulating these top performers would probably lead to disappointment, since imitators would be unlikely to replicate their good fortune. Because luck and risk play a dominant role in extraordinary outcomes, Denrell and Liu write, “extreme success or failure are, at best, only weak signals of skill,” and top performers “should not be imitated or praised.” Better, they advise, to learn from individuals “with high, but not exceptional, performance”—those whose success can be attributed to solid skill and not to a rare lightning strike.
Modeling ourselves on the most accomplished individuals can have another drawback: it can actually make us less motivated. In an article published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, psychologists Diana E. Betz and Denise Sekaquaptewa note that women in STEM fields—science, technology, engineering, and mathematics—are often labeled “unfeminine,” an image that may discourage female students from pursuing these fields.
But when the researchers exposed middle-school girls to women who were feminine and successful in STEM fields, the experience actually diminished the girls’ interest in math, depressed their plans to study math, and reduced their expectations of future success. The women’s “combination of femininity and success seemed particularly unattainable to STEM-disidentified girls,” the authors conclude, adding that “gender-neutral STEM role models,” as well as feminine women who were successful in non-STEM fields, did not have this effect.
Does this mean that we have to give up our most illustrious role models? There is a way to gain inspiration from truly exceptional individuals: attend to their failures as well as their successes. This was demonstrated in a study by Huang-Yao Hong of National Chengchi University in Taiwan and Xiaodong Lin-Siegler of Columbia University.
The researchers gave a group of physics students information about the theories of Galileo Galilei, Issac Newton and Albert Einstein. A second group received readings praising the achievements of these scientists. And a third group was given a text that described the thinkers’ struggles. The students who learned about scientists’ struggles developed less-stereotyped images of scientists, became more interested in science, remembered the material better, and did better at complex open-ended problem-solving tasks related to the lesson—while the students who read the achievement-based text actually developed more stereotypical images of scientists.
I’ll leave you with this excerpt from the experimental materials, about the development of Newton’s theory of gravitation: “While the famous fable suggests that Newton was inspired by seeing an apple drop from a tree, it was actually his hard work and inquisitive nature that led to his formulation of a gravitational theory. As he said, ‘I keep the subject constantly before me, till the first dawnings open slowly, by little and little, into the full and clear light.’”
What does music really do when You work with clients? Please share any insights or reference on this matter if You can spare the time! This is most interesting and provokes my questioning. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/tunes-could-bring-back-memories-lost-to-alzheimer-s/?&WT.mc_id=SA_MB_20140625 One of the most devastating aspects of Alzheimer’s is its effect on patients’ ability to recall life events. Several studies have found that music helps to strengthen these individuals’ autobiographical memories, and a paper in the November 2013 Journal of Neurolinguistics builds on these findings by exploring the linguistic quality of those recollections. If this line of research holds up – we may find that Music may be making sessions more memorable or accessible/useful to client’s minds and memory systems beyond making them more at ease!
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/down-syndrome-and-alzheimer-s-disease-have-a-lot-in-common/?&WT.mc_id=SA_DD_20140624 This is astounding work, and a link that was never seen given the way we did neuroscience only a decade ago. Scientists are studying them together to find underlying causes!
The recent article on why friends and family sabotage others growth got a lot of feedback. Several wrote commenting on how this has happened to them This is one of those things that truly are counter intuitive UNTIL you drop the conscious aspect and look at subconscious attitudes.
I became aware of this “process” when i got into recovery from alcohol. All the counselors at the VA(Veterans Administration) and the people in AA warned about this phenomenon, that your friends, especially your long time drinking buddies would sabotage you.
“Not my friends, they are different, hell I went to high school with them, played ball, Yada yada” Well they did
“AA is for quitters” “you weren’t that bad” “Your no fun since you quit drinking”.
I really did not have to leave them, they left me. Thank God .
When I became a NLPer and Hypnotist I was warning my clients, “Those that you hope to support you may be the ones to pull you down
Crab In The Bucket
I would use the metaphor of the Crabs in the bucket, when crabs are placed in the bucket, if the crab is alone it will crawl out, put in a couple more and they will pull each other down as they attempted to get out.
“Well Your at the edge and almost out, if you allow your old friends to pull you back, shame on you, sometimes you have to find new playgrounds and playmates” It is why I insisted my weight loss clients join a gym/health club, to modle exercise, but to associate with people who do exercise, not those who talk about it eating a doughnut, watching reality TV complaining
“ITS SO HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT”
When i got into Hypnosis and NLP as a profession I realized I had to break from the “EVERYONE KNOWS IT IS SO HARD TO MAKE A LIVING DOING HYPNOSIS” crowd and hang with those who earn a living doing this.
In fact i warn those I mentor and coach, well are you ready to leave behind 90% of all the other hypnotists, to be one of the ones they say “Its so easy for him/her (insert excuse here)” It is why I stopped coaching and mentoring for a while, to many really were not ready to become one of the elite.
You see it at conferences those that achieve hang with achievers, and I love it when people want to break into this group.
It is said that if you take your five people you associate with the most, average their income, yours will be close. I also say you average their fitness, their attitude and quest for growth and you will be in that group.
We subconsciously judge our self’s by these standards so it is necessary to have some high achievers in your group. Even if that come in the form of a coach and mentor. Since I started mentoring again one person got his hypnosis practice to equal his other career, another wanted to become a stage hypnotist and 45 days later was doing a paid gig, another got his first 5 figure gig, and another decided they really only wanted a part time practice, but one that show a nice profit (so they can donate some free sessions) .
When you change and get out of the bucket, you throw the challenge of their limited beliefs. So this can be weight loss, your fat friends hate you, smokers will offer you a smoke, drinkers :Come on have ONE’ or when you become spiritually enlightened and open the haters will hate and finally..
When you become a successful hypnotist/NLPer those that do not have to courage to change will drop you like a hot rock.
The good news is as you grow along the path their are many who truly will support and nurture you, they are your partners in this path..As we say in martial arts. don’t fight the power use it.
Lately I have been training with some pro fighters and serious martial artists who are half my age, so I upped my game. I don’t want to be in shape “for my age” i want to be in shape, so when I got a comment “your surprisingly strong and quick” I asked “for my age?”
“No your pretty damn fast and strong for your size” but in my mind I still think of my self as out of shape which drives me. When i was at the beach for fireworks and noticed (opened my senses) I saw guys half my age and thought :”I am in Shape” but I am going to train with serious types as that is MY SET POINT.
So reset you five and move up I welcome you.
Its why i am coaching again! Call for details.
Due to everything that has happened in our lives recently, we decided to dedicate this ezine to my wife Christina’s family (and many of your loved ones). Hang in there, holidays are tough…especially when the loss is so recent. The articles below were shared with me by Billy Shilling, NFNLP’s Senior Research Scientist, who is also a Research Fellow at the Smithsonian Institute. This is a remarkable finding! Finally it is getting the attention it deserves!!
Genetic Rizk for Alzheimer’s Ignored for Decades
Share with me in a prayer that was recently given to me…as many of you know, I lost my father in March and almost immediately after began a struggle with the “loss” of my mother to Alzheimer’s. After 3 hospital stays and now a final placement in a facility’s “Memory Unit” this is a difficult holiday. My father had been a proud veteran of the United States Air Force and Will Horton’s father had been in the United States Navy, as his daughter had. Our Independence Day was very important to them. This is a VERY DIFFICULT day for our family. But this prayer was given to me and since this horrific thing has happened to my mother and since I have found so many of you have gone through this loss I wanted to share it with you. Christina Horton
Alzheimer’s Prayer by Frena Gray Davidson, Author of Alzheimers 911
Dear Lord, they say I’m ill and that’s why I can’t remember. Help me always to feel I’m always held safe in your heart. I just want people to be kind. I want to belong somewhere safe. I want to be treated with respect. I want slowness and time for everything. I want people to look me in the eye Sitting right next to me An arm round my shoulder As if they care about me. I hope you can help me find the love I need. I you can’t send my mother or father to me, Please send someone just like them, Someone who will love me exactly as I am. Because you know, Lord, I would remember if I could. I would do things right if I could just remember how. I would be that person that once I was. I would, but now I can’t. Please walk with me all the way so I can find my way home at last. Robert D. Reed Publishers, P.O. Box 1992, Bandon, OR 97411 www.rdrpublishers.com and www.alzheimersprayer.com
New class Erotic Mind Control will be presented for the first time this fall, Venice Florida, Miami Florida, Chicago area, and New York are being planned. This course MUST be attended LIVE.
The course focus is Sexual Dysfunction, then Erotic NLP & Hypnosis call for details.
Day 1 sexual dysfunction and intimacy issues and how to help.
Day 2 Erotic Mind Control Techniques Sensual growth, sexual responsiveness, full body orgasm, sexual mind games, mental foreplay many more fun things for you to use and teach your clients (and maybe in your life !)
Look for a webinar soon!
As NLPers we do not look at the conscious reasons “WHY” but the subconscious structure of how they do this. Especially if they are consciously unaware of the actions they are doing (and the damage)
When I first dove into this I looked at other places where this happens not just personal growth like becoming a Hypnotist or becoming Spiritual. What jumped out to me was when someone goes into treatment for substance abuse. People expect support and love and many times get push back and grief.
How many of us got some negative input when we started studying NLP & Hypnosis?
What is the structure of this negative energy to positive change?
When you attempt to change your identity and break away from the staus quo, you threaten (subconsciously) all those around you. If they hate or dislike parts of their lives and you have the courage to step up and change they percieve it as a threat to THEIR SELF IMAGE, and Their FALSE beleife they cannot change.
You have challenged the status quo of that group (or family) There senses perceive it as an existential threat (as our friend Capt. Billy would say)
You are proof they could change, and proof they do not have the spiritual courage to change.
Your positive change is a true threat to their identity and as Virginia Satir showed us when one part of a system changes the system must change.
When I train in martial arts (and compete and fight) and act in plays and films i get some negative feedback from other NLP & Hypnosis trainers as I am using our skills to live a life I CHOOSE.
When you change and grow in our field you will receive some negative vibes from friends and family, take it as feedback and pray for them to find the courage to change their lives and you stay on your path and lead the way.
I hope to see you on the road to happy destiny.
Gods Speed till next time.
The pix is me getting thrown at the black belt ceremony, yea! I know many studnets and clients have wanted to throw me to the ground.