Secrets to Change part 2

Last week we talked about intention and the Neuro Feedback loop and how it could be holding you back.  Today we will go over the next Secret Key:

How Comfortable with change are you? This also sets up a neuro feedback loop that will also sabotage your success with clients. So what do I mean by this? How does ones own comfort level with change affect working with others.

If you understand that our energy field creates a feedback loop, (quantum level)  and our clients want to maintain rapport, so they will model your comfort level and model that unconsciously, so the change they are attempting will model how well you adapt to change.

Have you ever noticed when someone first gets into NLP and Hypnosis the sky is the limit? They experience great change in them selves and also with their clients. Is this not the case? So what happens? Why does that “Breakthrough Mindset” seem to fade. How does life get in the way of magic.

Society places belief and expectations that we unconsciously take in (unless we are diligent at all times). If we buy into change is hard, that it is challenging to X or Y, and we take it in, we attract this and make it real for us and our clients.

I started thinking about this years ago as I mentioned last week about the idea of why a lot of hypnotists gain weight and find it difficult to lose. It was recently brought to my attention again.

Reinventing yourself and why friend and family will sabotage you the most. When you change and reinvent yourself it challenges their self image at an unconscious level.

In addictions treatment most of the leading experts agree on the need for an person with an addiction to reinvent who they are, which they can do through therapy, the 12step program, religion, or some other way to replace the addiction self image. We have sadly seen many times people trying to recover go back to old friends (and sometimes family) who reject this new sober and clean you. “Who do you think you are, you know you will use again” is often heard and the person trying to connect. or stay connected follows the command.

This could be why we see better efficacy for success with those who create a whole new support network. Is it also possible that the support network, that helps at first can become constricting and hold you back later on?

How many of us in NLP and Hypnosis were so excited at our first conference, and wanted to share the unending possibilities of what we could do? Then some “Old Timer” kicked in with “The Truth” and your light started to die at that moment. I actually heard an old timer tell a new hypnotist “well you really can’t make money at this it is a calling”.

I thought “How dare you place YOUR limits, on this person?” What this really is how comfortably with change and growth reflects not only in your life, but those around you.

Change is the only constant in the universe, but how comfortable are you with any change?

Have you ever said:

“I hate this new music, in MY day we had real Music?”

“These new shows are all crap, I remember back when….”

“These new cars are nothing back in the muscle car days….”

“That’s not dancing,…”

“I refuse to go to movies, they don’t act anymore….”

“What is this new stuff, I learned the real, x, y or z…..”

That lets you know how reluctant you are to accept change, which will happen, with you or without you. It is a generalization, but it does seem to be an overall idea of change: CAN YOU EMBRACE IT? or DO YOU FIGHT IT?

This subconscious map goes out to the universe and come back to you, many times in how clients respond to change.

What happens when someone you know changes who they are, how they act, what they do. Do you go “Great for you” How can I help?” or just “Kewl”. If you resist or find a “Who they think they are?” it lets you know your internal change comfort level.

A story (yes a story) I recently had a change, one where I went back to the future. I grew up very country, my family was originally from Mississippi where they farmed, and I would visit my grandmothers farm twice a year. So the true country/cowboy mindset was what I grew up with, but got away from it for a variety of reasons. Then after my father passed I got one of his western belt buckles (with our initial  on it).

I don’t know what happened, but in the twinkling of an eye something shifted. I have really worn jeans in 30 years (except on a motorcycle) then I dug out my jeans and cowboy boots and hat. I started listening to country music again, for a part of me it was like going home.

What was interesting was a few things: People who knew asked me why or made comments. Which is interesting I don’t ask their permission or advice but they think they have the right to say something.

Those that do not know me just assume that is who I am. Then when they see me in one of my suits and dress shoes, they are surprised.

I recently was at a conference and one day wore a suit and the next had my jeans, boots, western jacket and hat, and people who knew me were taken back.

A few commented that this new me fit me better as I act like a cowboy anyway. George Bien, who I have known for over 30 years and is a dear friend and a person I respect, was the most insightful, “Will we should reinvent who we are every few years and not get stuck” (plus he loved the boots and hat).

So how comfortable are you with change, do you embrace it, or look for ways to enjoy it? As this is a key to that true change in others, accepting it in ourselves.

Next week the final key.

Meaning and Responsibility

As the years roll by one can get excited, or one can get burned out, how you respond depends on the meaning you place on things. As my dear friend Tony Robbins states:

“What if every problem and pain you had was life happening for you – not to you? What if that obnoxious co-worker is really there to teach you something? What if the school traffic is actually an opportunity to talk to your kids? What if your problems were gifts? How would that change things for you? We all ascribe meaning to the events in our lives, even the little things. We create definitions, and the definitions you choose can instantly transform the way you look at your entire life. If you master meaning, you master life.
So – here’s the question: Is the meaning you are giving to your life limiting you or empowering you? Right now, you can choose new, more empowering meanings for your life and create a new world for yourself and those you care about.”

A few years ago I pulled back from so much travel, and I greatly limited my one on one coaching. I did not stop, I refocused and was very selective about who I coached. I am considering pulling back even more and stopping all training and coaching, except for a select few.

I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams with what I do, and the opportunities I have had. I am changing as I am placing new meaning on what I do, who I do it for, and why I do it. My work with men with Traumatic Brain Injury has helped to focus my responsibilities. Part of which is to tell the truth.

The NLP and Hypnosis world is awash with new guru’s, via the internet, and they all claim 25 year careers and to show you how to become a millionaire using their system or training. As I say “fascinating”, most of these “experts” have no true experience, but they create a great website, and I bow to their marketing expertise.

I really love when they claim to teach you to make $10,000 a day or they make $10,000 a session, but they slup to a conference to teach. They all claim to want to give back, but they are willing to sell you their system for $. Basic human nature would say if I can make $10,000 a days or session, why would I work this hard for less? People pony up the $ and are disappointed in the results. If you truly want to give back, do it for free, Help the veterans, or people with TBI, or mentor someone for free….oh wait that is me…

As my dear wife would say, “You get what you pay for.” Buyer beware.

Next week I will share a secret that only a select few in the world know, and I will present it in a way that few will understand, but those that do will expand beyond what they can imagine.

Today is the day, Now is the time! So what meaning will you place on todays events?